well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
