Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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