Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
