Fine. I'll sleep in my office
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
