I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
