yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
