11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
