While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
