Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
