More tranny stories later!
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
