Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
