erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
