I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
