oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
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Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
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I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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