apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you win again, gameday.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
