Duck Duck Cougar?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
