You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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