yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
