Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
