I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
