I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize