Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
