Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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