The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
As shirtless as possible
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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