Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
