I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
