So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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