remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
