Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
