Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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