i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
