I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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