I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
