did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I think a kid would responsible me up
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
