I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
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Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
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And then my night got REAL pukey
BRING THE BAGELS
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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