I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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