when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
