I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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