You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
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Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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