You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
