Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
