I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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