dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
