We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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