Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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