We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
