This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
