How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
