How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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