I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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