I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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