I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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