If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Randomize
