My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
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