Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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