Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
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She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
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