Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
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