i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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