My first STD was from a foam party
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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