Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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